Depression in Lockdown<\/b><\/p>\n
Self Harm<\/i><\/p>\n
Nate glanced over at the suitcase stood by the front door. He was all ready for his trip home for the holidays. Christmas was merely a week away, and he was more than ready to see his family. After almost ten months alone in lockdown, he was craving some company. His father\u2019s chuckle, his mother\u2019s hug, and his older brother\u2019s teasing. It was the only thing that had kept him going over the last month. He had two more days, and then he would hop on the train to enjoy a somewhat normal<\/i> Christmas. Nate was craving normality after having spent so long at home on his own. He was working from home, but the brief interaction with colleagues didn\u2019t fill the chasm. There had been some dark days. The razor on the edge of the bath, and the scars up his forearm, were testimony to those days.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s okay, <\/i>Nate thought to himself. Those days were over. <\/i>Now he only had to wait two more days and he would be in the company of his family. He could do this. Forty-eight hours and he would close the door behind him as he headed to the station to catch his 9am train. He could leave behind all those sleepless nights and suicidal thoughts. Nate sat down at his desk with a cup of coffee in his hand and switched his laptop on to start the day\u2019s work. He drummed his fingers on the desk, feeling happy for the first time in what felt like forever. It was amazing what having something to look forward to could do for your mental health. As soon as he logged on, his machine started pinging with messages.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n From Sarah: <\/b>Have you heard about Christmas?<\/i><\/p>\n From Nigel: <\/b>OMG can\u2019t believe the government is doing this!\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Nate was confused. What were they talking about? Ignoring the messages, he opened up the web browsers and searched for the news. His heart sank as he read the headline. The government was making an announcement tonight, but it looked as though Christmas travelling would be cancelled for those living in London. Nate felt the dread build in the pit of his stomach. Christmas with his family had been the only thing that had pushed him to keep going. Now his last hope had been so cruelly torn away from him. Feeling hopeless, he closed his laptop and stumbled over to his bed, where he pulled the duvet around him. Nate felt the overwhelming emotions crash over him as tears sprung from his eyes. All hope had left him. If he didn\u2019t have Christmas to look forward to, what did he have? He had nothing. These four walls and just his own head for company. Nate couldn\u2019t face the idea of being stuck in his head any longer. His insides were screaming at him. He knew what he had to do to silence them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n With tears blinding his vision, Nate stumbled to the bathroom and swiped the razor blade from the edge of the bath. The same blade he had promised himself he wouldn\u2019t use again. Despite the promise, he hadn\u2019t been able to bring himself to dispose of it. It was his last blade; his lifeline. Nate pressed his back against the shower and slid down the door, the blade grasped firmly in his hand. He didn\u2019t want to do it, but he knew it was the only way to quieten the pain in his head. Slowly, he rolled up his sleeves, exposing the almost healed scars. He took a breath in as he sliced the blade along an old scar, opening the wound. Blood trickled down Nate\u2019s forearm and dripped onto the floor. Once, twice, three times Nate cut into his arms. The pain was a relief from the chaos inside his head. It quietened it all as he focused on the searing pain in his arm. Nate didn\u2019t cut for attention, or to kill himself, he cut to quieten the pain inside of his head. Those dark thoughts and emotions were briefly silenced as his body focused on the physical pain. For those few brief moments, he was free from his depression.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n